Let's say it bluntly, divorce is a difficult stage of life. Indeed, divorce is one of the most painful human experiences, and has a significant impact on the people who go through it. In France, there is on average nearly 130,000 divorces per year. If the marriage can be concluded relatively quickly, marital disunity can sometimes spread over several months, even years, and prove difficult for many people, leading to its share of conflicts, sorrows and disillusionment.
Succeeding in your divorce does not mean that you have to believe in an infallible method that guarantees a peaceful and trouble-free divorce. Nevertheless, there are attitudes, reflexes and strategies that allow us to face this period in a manner, if not peaceful, at least constructive.
In this post,PROCAP DETECTIVE reveals its 11 Tips for a successful divorce and approaching this stage of life as calmly and effectively as possible.
Tip #1: The idea of divorce, you will accept…
A divorce most often represents an upheaval in one's personal and family life. It is also a time of deep existential questions. We must not forget that before divorce, two people first loved each other.
Accepting the idea of separation is the first step to approaching divorce constructively. Accepting the idea that marriage is over does not mean resigning yourself to it or adopting a fatalistic attitude. Acceptance at this moment consists, on the contrary, of facing this event in an active, open and flexible manner, in order to mitigate the deleterious psychological effects, and thus provide space for action and resolution of difficulties. Indeed, it is normal, during a divorce, to feel complex emotions such as sadness, anger, resentment, shame, fear or guilt. It is crucial, in these moments, not to lock oneself into a posture of avoidance, denial or absolute control, but to consciously take note of the reality of divorce and the emotions experienced, whatever they may be. .
Non-acceptance is a factor that aggravates psychological suffering, because it fuels and maintains negative feelings, exhausts the person and imprisons them in a spiral that keeps them in the past and prevents them from finding effective solutions to move forward.
The attitude of acceptance does not exclude action or deep reflection on the reasons for divorce, nor does it avoid individual responsibilities, but allows inevitable questions to be approached with more distance and discernment. Above all, it opens up a space of psychological flexibility which helps the person to understand their current situation, to qualify events, to objectively identify individual roles, to analyze the causes of divorce, to develop solutions, and to learn from this experience. to rebuild better afterwards. Far from being a simple word, acceptance is an essential key to coping with divorce and facilitating post-marriage reconstruction.
Tip #2: Isolation, you will avoid...
Divorce can be an extremely isolating time. Family and friendly relationships can change radically and splits can arise in those around them, sometimes exacerbated by resentment or pre-existing conflicts. Isolation can also result from a deep feeling of guilt, shame or betrayal experienced by the person. However, in these circumstances, it is essential not to give in to the call to withdraw into oneself. Isolation can worsen feelings of depression and anxiety, and make the situation even more difficult to manage.
Creating or maintaining a support network made up of trusted people who listen to you, understand you and support you without judgment is therefore essential. This may include close friends, family members, co-workers, or even support groups for people going through divorce. Participating in social or sporting activities, going out with friends, going to the cinema, museum or concert or any other activity, even if it seems difficult, can also help maintain a sense of normalcy and connection with the world outside.
During divorce, don't neglect your physical and mental health. Indeed, divorce, whether amicable or contentious, is a human situation that generates potentially harmful stress if it is not taken care of or poorly managed. Taking care of yourself is essential. To this end, it may be beneficial to consult a health professional, such as a doctor or psychologist. A specialist therapist or counselor can provide a safe and caring space for you to express your feelings and provide you with effective stress management strategies.
While maintaining a social life and maintaining your health during divorce is a vital topic, it is also important to surround yourself with professional skills that will help you effectively deal with the administrative aspects of divorce. Identify the professionals whose recourse could be useful to you during the divorce. This may include lawyers, notaries, bailiffs, private detectives, financial or real estate experts, wealth advisors, etc. Do not hesitate to consult them if necessary and gather all the information you need based on your situation.
Tip #3: Conflict, you will abstain...
Divorce is often accompanied by conflicts, these sometimes pre-date the divorce and are exacerbated during this period, but it is crucial to minimize them as much as possible, or at least mitigate their consequences. The focus should be on facts and solutions, rather than resentment, rumination or anger. Conflicts can not only prolong the divorce process, but also cause emotional and material damage in the long term, especially if children are involved.
To avoid conflicts, or at least to mitigate their content, favor respectful and constructive communication. Establish ground rules for discussions, listen to the other party and focus as much as possible on solutions rather than problems. If the discussions become too tense or if the dialogue is definitively broken down, it may be useful to call on a mediator. A trusted person, or your lawyer or a professional mediator, can play this role and help you establish effective communication and find mutually acceptable solutions.
It is important to focus on the most important aspects of the divorce, avoiding as much as possible the exacerbation of minor disagreements, excessive conflict or ego struggles. This will allow you to considerably reduce the obstacles to settling a divorce and facilitate a faster, more peaceful and, above all, less costly resolution.
Tip #4: You will defend your interests...
In a divorce, it is essential to defend your personal and property interests and focus on their preservation. This does not mean being selfish or inflexible, but rather ensuring that your rights, needs and concerns are taken into consideration. It sometimes happens, during a divorce, that one of the spouses, through lack of knowledge, fragility or spite, renounces the right to exercise legitimate rights or claims. Do n't forget, even if you are at fault or the cause of the breakup, you have rights. A family law attorney can help you understand your rights and obligations, as well as develop a strategy to defend your interests most effectively.
When presenting your situation to an attorney, be honest and open about your situation. Provide all relevant information, even information that might seem insignificant or that you might be ashamed of. For example, it is better to reveal infidelity in full transparency to your lawyer than to conceal it; the latter will know how to adapt the strategy accordingly. This will allow your lawyer to give you the best possible advice and represent you in the best way.
Additionally, it is important to set clear goals for the divorce. What are your priorities ? What rights have you been denied? What is the nature of the damage suffered? What results do you hope to achieve? By having a clear vision of your goals and interests, you can guide negotiations and decisions accordingly.
It is also essential to stay informed and involved in the process. Read the legal documents carefully, ask questions and make sure you understand each step of the procedure. Your lawyer is there to guide you, but you are the main actor in your divorce.
Tip n°5: The form of divorce, you will choose...
It is important, when a person or couple is considering divorce, to choose the procedure best suited to their situation. There are four forms of divorce in France:
Divorce by mutual consent without a judge
Divorce for acceptance of the principle of marriage breakdown
Divorce for definitive alteration of the marital bond
Divorce due to fault
The form of procedure will have a major impact on the duration of the divorce as well as on its implications, both legal and financial. The choice of one form rather than another will depend on several parameters. And there is no preferred path over another, it all depends on the situation of the spouses. Some will favor the amicable and rapid route of divorce by mutual consent, while others will opt for contentious divorce. Perhaps you agree on the principle of divorce but not on its consequences? Perhaps you have grievances against your spouse for breaches of marriage obligations? Perhaps you disagree on childcare arrangements, or even on the distribution of assets? Or, on the contrary, perhaps you agree on all points of the divorce?
In any case, do not hesitate to discuss with your lawyer the form best suited to your situation, your expectations and your projects.
Tip #6: Your children, you will preserve...
Protecting children should be a top priority during a divorce. Children are often the most affected by the separation of parents, and even more so when the divorce is of a conflictual nature. It is crucial to minimize the emotional impact on children. To do this, it is important to keep them away from possible conflicts and arguments or legal discussions, without hiding from them the reality of divorce or the consequences that can result from it. Communicate with your children in an open and honest manner, taking into account of course their age and ability to understand, without hiding the reality of the separation and its consequences. Explaining to them what is happening, reassuring them that they are not responsible for the separation, listening attentively and kindly to them, respecting their person and offering them a space to express themselves, constitutes a prerequisite for their reconstruction and allows them to be more equipped to face the difficulties of parental divorce.
During divorce, the attention given to children also involves the implementation, with the other parent, of a dialogue and co-parenting methods, including for example an agreement on custody arrangements, consistent rules as well as peaceful communication to manage decisions concerning children. If necessary, do not hesitate to consult a child therapist. A professional can offer additional support, help them understand the situation, manage their emotions, and provide strategies to adapt to the undeniable change that will take place in their lives.
The protection of children during the divorce phase also involves their physical and material security. Although divorce often causes upheaval in the lives of children, it has no impact on parental obligations; they are required, including during the divorce, to jointly provide for the needs of the children, and this under the obligation of education, maintenance and protection . Parental failures towards children can be severely repressed.
Tip n°7: Your heritage, you will safeguard...
The question of assets is a crucial aspect during divorce. The liquidation of the matrimonial regime can be complex and a source of conflict, but it is essential, during a divorce, to protect your assets and plan for your professional and financial future.
The liquidation of the matrimonial regime is an essential step in the divorce process. This liquidation consists of evaluating, sharing and distributing the property acquired during the marriage. Liquidation can be amicable or judicial (decided by a judge) and essentially depends on the rules specific to your matrimonial regime (regime of legal community reduced to acquisitions, separation of property, or universal community).
The sharing of community assets is a phase that is being prepared and must be anticipated. Call on experts, if necessary, to evaluate your assets, can facilitate future distribution and help you develop a fair liquidation strategy. By having an accurate assessment of your assets and their value, you can negotiate wisely and reach a balanced agreement. To do this, start by making a detailed inventory of your assets. This includes your movable or real estate assets, your bank balances, your investments, your participations, your possible debts, etc. Your lawyer could help you with this. He or she could also advise you on the tax and legal implications of liquidation and how best to protect your assets during and after the divorce.
It is also important to take proactive steps to protect your personal assets. Monitor your bank accounts and payment methods, and make sure any joint debts are managed appropriately. If necessary, open individual bank accounts to secure your finances.
Finally, think about the future and develop a post-divorce financial plan. This may include reassessing your professional and financial goals, establishing a professional skills assessment, setting up a budget, planning your investments and savings to ensure your medium-long financial stability. term.
Tip #8: You will walk away from infidelity...
The question of fidelity during divorce is a recurring topic. Many people going through a divorce wonder about extramarital affairs during the divorce period. While engaging in a new romantic relationship can sometimes help people overcome the divorce phase, it is advisable to be careful and wait for the final declaration because the duty of fidelity continues during the divorce.
You should know that marriage gives rise to a set of obligations between the spouses, and divorce puts an end to them. When two people join in marriage, they make a commitment to each other to respect a set of duties and obligations. Among these obligations, let us cite the duty of respect, help, assistance and fidelity; the obligation of community of life; common contribution to household expenses; of common contribution to the education and maintenance of children.
In principle, and barring exceptions or a court decision, the obligations inherent in marriage continue until the divorce is pronounced, including the duty of fidelity. Consequently, as long as the divorce is not definitively pronounced, the spouses cannot truly engage in another relationship and the other spouse will be able, if necessary, to rely on a breach of their spouse's duty of fidelity. .
Tip #9: You will gather the evidence...
Proof is an essential concept in French law. This is the very basis of all justice. We might as well say it clearly, a fact, a claim, an argument or a legal request, without proof to support it, simply does not exist and will not be able to prosper.
Documenting relevant aspects of your marriage and separation can be instrumental in protecting your interests and supporting your claims during divorce. Gather all the evidence you have, such as title deeds, financial documents, bank statements, invoices, contracts, emails, text messages, photos, or anything else that might be useful to support your arguments and claims in court.
This evidence can be used to demonstrate the couple's financial situation, prove ownership of property, demonstrate marital misconduct, or show behaviors that could influence decisions regarding child custody or the allocation of financial support. It is important to keep these documents secure and organized so that they are easily accessible when you need them.
If necessary, do not hesitate to seek help from an evidence professional, such as a licensed private detective . This professional will help you research and gather the evidence that is essential for you to support a legal claim, consolidate your procedure and resolve your dispute successfully. A private detective can help you, for example, to prove adultery, or any other marital fault, reveal an educational deficiency or a situation of mistreatment, note a violation of parental rights, establish the reality of a professional situation, uncover a concealment of assets or income, demonstrate an expensive lifestyle, an illegitimate community of life, abandonment of home, or more generally any other factual element inherent to the family sphere and the couple. Private detectives exercise a recognized, regulated profession, and their reports are admissible in court.
Tip #10: You will respect the rights of the other parent...
During a divorce, the question of child custody is sometimes a source of conflict and tension. Except for serious reasons, the exercise of parental authority is vested in both parents jointly. Separation, in principle, has no impact on their obligations of education, contribution to maintenance, but also on their parental rights, in particular with regard to maintaining any personal contact with their child .
Violation of parental rights is severely punished, and can have harmful consequences on the security and psycho-emotional development of the child.
During divorce, regarding the question of children, it is essential to integrate the other parent into one's own project. Make sure that decisions regarding the children are made in consultation with the other parent and that parental responsibilities are shared fairly. A change of place of residence, a registration for a new activity, a change of organization, must always be done in consultation with the other parent, taking into account their expectations and constraints. Mutual respect will make the transition easier for your children and yourself, and help create a stable and supportive environment for them.
It is also important to maintain a positive attitude towards the other parent in front of the children. Avoid unwarranted criticism or degrading comments, which could harm children in their relationship with the other parent, or could place them in a situation of conflict of loyalty . Except for serious and legitimate reasons, avoid any severance of ties, as well as direct or indirect obstacles to maintaining any contact between the child and the other parent. Children need to know that they are safe, that they can love and be loved by both parents without feeling guilty or caught in the middle of an adult feud.
Tip n°11: A pension or a benefit, you will ask...
The dissolution of the community can create significant financial and asset disparities between ex-spouses, and sometimes even compromise individual chances of finding employment and a satisfactory living environment. Has one spouse perhaps prospered more professionally than the other? Or has one of the spouses chosen to prioritize managing the household while sacrificing a promising professional career? In short, divorce often causes a breakdown in the financial balance of the couple. Although the law, and in particular the Civil Code, protects people from the inequalities that can arise from divorce, people can be harmed either by lack of awareness of their rights, vulnerability or even by lack of evidence to support their case. Do not hesitate to ask for alimony or compensatory benefits if you need it. Consult your lawyer to understand your rights and take the necessary steps.
Alimony can be requested for the children, but also and under certain conditions, for yourself as part of the duty of support. This may in certain situations prevail, including beyond divorce. The compensatory benefit , for its part, aims to compensate for the disparity in income and financial situations resulting from the divorce. It can be paid in the form of capital or annuity, and its amount depends on various factors, such as the duration of the marriage, the age and state of health of the spouses, and their professional and financial situation.
It is important to provide solid evidence to support your request for a pension or compensatory benefit. This may include salary statements, proof of expenses, or any financial documents detailing your situation, needs, resources, as well as those of your spouse. Here again, do not hesitate to call on an investigative professional, such as an approved private detective , who will be able to help you gather solid evidence concerning your spouse's lifestyle and their situation. professional, but also in the case of concealment of income or assets.
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